the lowest of the low.

I had a draft all ready to be posted this week about how to deal with things when you are feeling at your lowest, most frustrated point with your illnesses.. and then this past week happened.

I've talked on here before about how I get migraines.  Since I was in middle school, I have gotten what are referred to as basilar, or ocular, migraines -- instead of the "typical" migraine, I get ones where the entire (usually left) side of my body goes tingly and then numb, starting with my fingertips and progressing up my arm, through my face/mouth and down into my trunk and leg.  I also get an aura in that eye that starts as a blob but eventually leads to a complete loss of vision on that side.  I also have the "typical" migraines people get, with the auras and intense pain, and I get sinus headaches. 

This is what my aura looks like when I first start getting it, and then it turns completely black with no lines.

when clothes aren't just clothes anymore.

Have you ever had one of those moments where clothes just bring you to tears?  Okay, okay, we've all had those times when we see something we love and then look at the price tag and - boom - we get a little misty-eyed, knowing we can never afford it.  But that's not the kind I'm talking about.  I'm talking about the moments that you see on Oprah, the dramatical kind where the music swells and it feels like everything is right with the world and unicorns should be frolicking about on cotton candy clouds.  Let me explain.

fashion friday - maxi skirts

today's fashion friday is on a very versatile piece that gets a lot of use in my wardrobe: the maxi skirt!

like a lot of chronic illness sufferers, i have trouble controlling my body temperature.  i get very hot pretty quickly and it takes a lot to get me cooled down.  this makes summer dressing kind of tricky, since i like to dress nicely and not be mistaken for someone standing on a street corner, if you get my drift.  i draw the line at about a 2 to 2 1/2" inseam on my shorts, and while i mostly wear tank tops, i make sure they aren't overexposed in the front and cover me well in the back if i have to bend over.

while this is all well and good for modesty's sake, it's not always very helpful when i am extremely hot, my face is flushed, i'm feeling the oh-so-pleasant boob and middle-back sweat dripping down underneath said tank top, and there is no refuge in sight.  the last thing i want to be doing is having tight clothing against me, or jean shorts that rub against my legs and create friction that makes me feel even sweatier, especially when you have to use a bathroom that doesn't have air conditioning.  there is nothing that makes me feel more gross and sweaty on a hot day than using a hot bathroom and having to wiggle into, button, and zip up my jean shorts, and go waddling back out into the heat, all sweaty and uncomfortable.  bleechhh.

this is where the maxi skirt comes in!  while it seems like it's a lot more fabric to cover you and therefore counterintuitive, it couldn't be farther from the truth.  most maxi skirts are made from a breathable cotton or a lightweight chiffon material (my personal favorite) that allows it to move with you, and allows for plenty of delightful breezes to cool you down.  whenever i wear my maxi skirts, it almost feels like i don't even have any bottoms on, or like i'm wearing pajamas, because they are just that comfortable!  here are some style tips to remember about maxi skirts!

international CFS/ME & fibro awareness day

today, may 12th, is a very important day in our little (but growing!) chronic illness community.  it is international chronic fatigue syndrome/myalgic encephalomyelitis & fibromyalgia awareness day.  although i have not been officially diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, i do have fibromyalgia, and there are so many similarities between the two that it is often very difficult to tell the difference.  either way, both illnesses are extremely debilitating and have a profound effect on my life and daily functioning.

a few bloggers came up with the idea for a "blog bomb", or a mass of postings by those of us in the blog world that have these illnesses, to share our stories today so that we can bring awareness to these illnesses and how they affect our lives.  so little is known about how these illnesses are contracted and how they truly affect the body, why they affect certain parts of the body and not others, and we are still so far from finding effective medications and other treatments that allow us to overcome the symptoms and live a more normal life.  not only that, but these illnesses are very misunderstood and there is such a stigma attached to them, that we are just lazy and don't want to work, or that if we just exercised and ate a little better, we would be fine -- both of which are not true!  hopefully, through this blog bomb, we can raise awareness and hopefully some progress can be made regarding stereotypes and what having these diseases is really like.

is it spring yet?

man, this was quite an up-and-down week!

it started out pretty nice with some nice sunshine-y weather.  i live in upstate new york, where we have basically two seasons: winter and summer.  we joke that our other seasons are almost winter, and still winter, but it's sadly true.  the beginning of this week started out nice, with weather into the 50's.  as i'm sure many of you can relate with, my fibro is directly affected by the weather.  this extra cold winter we have had has been especially hard on my joints this winter, and i have been suffering hard for it, so even a day of warmer weather was definitely welcome!  my mom lives in the country, so i took the dogs for a nice hike around the fields, with a lovely (and healthy!) grilled chicken and vegetables dinner.  hikes seem to be one of the few cardio exercises that i can do without many problems, and because of the sloping terrain, it isn't too hard on my joints.  i do make sure to take an epsom salt bath that night, and i usually have to wear a lidocaine patch to sleep that night, but it makes me feel so much better to get some fresh air, and the dogs really love it!  sometimes, the simple things going right in life make all the difference, right?

i got my brain MRI results this week, and thankfully they were clear.  but the medicine that i started to help prevent my migraines is really kicking my ass.  it takes four weeks to titrate up to the full dose, and this was week three of the titration, where i started taking two pills at night and one pill in the morning. the first week really knocked me out, the second week wasn't so bad, but this week was pretty bad again.  the day after i started taking the two at night, i was very dizzy and nauseous, and i felt like i was on the verge of a migraine the whole day.  those of you that suffer from migraines know the almost paralyzing fear that comes with it -- you are terrified that you are going to get a migraine at the worse possible time and place, especially if you are alone, and unfortunately, that anxiety only contributes to the stress that could cause one.

to top it off, i had to go get my car inspected that day and since it only takes about half an hour, i waited in the shop for it.  BAD IDEA!!  i forgot how the whole place smells like diesel fuel and new tires!  ugh.  i felt like i was going to pass out and by the time i left, my head was throbbing and i was sure i was going to get a migraine.  i took some ibuprofen and got a giant coffee from dunkin donuts and thankfully that was enough to head it off.  it is strange how different things are after you get sick, isn't it?  things that you don't give a second thought to before, like getting your car inspected, cause potentially day-altering problems when you're sick.

so anyway, going along with the bipolar new york weather, two days after it was almost 60 degrees and sunny, it SNOWED.  yes, snow.  of course, not just a dusting of snow or perhaps maybe an inch that would be gone in an hour or so.  nope, it snowed 7" here in about 6 1/2 hours on top of sleet, making for some crazy heavy, wet snow.  oh, lovely new york.

these two pictures were taken five hours apart.

as if that wasn't crazy enough, the next day it was 50 again and the snow was all melted by the late afternoon!  yikes.  my sinuses sure have taken a beating in the past few days.  i take an allergy pill every day and that is usually enough to quell any allergy/sinus problems i have, but when the weather jumps around like this, even they don't do much.  i had a headache the other night that nothing would touch, not ibuprofen, my cold face mask, hot washcloth, nasal spray, nothing.  my joints have been going pretty crazy too, especially my hips and knees, which are always my worst ones.  erf :(  

yesterday i was feeling good enough to be able to go run some errands by myself, which is the best feeling.  most of the time, i can't run errands by myself.  i need someone to go with me so that when i get tired (which is pretty quickly), i have someone to drive me, push the cart in the store, lean on when i'm walking, carry stuff, etc.  but yesterday when i woke up, i actually felt decent for once.  my hips didn't hurt too bad, and my energy level was pretty high, so i decided that i would try to go out and get as much done as i possibly could.  i was able to make it to the bookstore, craft store, victoria's secret, pet store, and ulta before i got tired and had to go home, but let me tell you: it felt great!!  the sun was shining, it was warm out, i was driving with my music on and my windows down, and it was wonderful to be self-sufficient for once and do things on my own.  it gives me hope that someday (hopefully soon) things will change and i will be able to be more self-sufficient and be more independent from my illness.  that is one of my biggest goals.

i also got to rock my new cultgaia headband from my fabfitfun box, which was awesome :)

tonight i start the last phase of my medicine titration, so i am hoping that it doesn't wreck me as bad as it did this past week.  the weather looks like it will be pretty steady for the next week or so, high 40s/low 50s, so let's all hope we are fiiiiinally away from winter and into spring for good!

how was your week?  do your illnesses get worse/better with the weather, too?  what are you most looking forward to about spring?

fabfitfun VIP spring 2014 box review

hi everyone!  i am so stoked to share with you my very first fabfitfun VIP box!!  i first heard of this box through another blog that i follow, tickled pink in the rain, and it seemed like a really cool thing.  i love beauty boxes and this one seemed like it had even a little extra towards the fitness part of it, and since i always am willing to try new things to stay healthy (since it's always a struggle for me!), i thought i would give this a shot.

what is the fabfitfun VIP box?  this box was started by giuliana rancic and is delivered once per season, or four times per year (spring, summer, winter, fall).  each box has that season's theme, and contains a variety of beauty, wellness, health, fashion, and fitness products, with a minimum of $120 retail value, for just $49.99 per box.  two items are revealed per season in the weeks leading up to the boxes' release (you don't have to find out what they are if you don't want to) and each box is limited edition.  you can check it out here, and use code SPRING5 to get $5 off your first box!

let me say to begin with, i was kind of hesitant about this box.  i looked at the products in the past boxes and they all seemed pretty nice, but $50 seems kind of expensive to me for a box.  granted, it's only quarterly, and the guaranteed products' worth is at least triple what i would be paying for the box.  but i was on the fence about it.  i have tried a bunch of beauty boxes in the past that i have ended up unsubscribing from just because, as someone who is chronically ill and doesn't have the social life that i used to, i don't use all these products that other people might, and would rather spend $50 on a quality pair of sweatpants than on a bunch of makeup that will probably just sit in my drawer.  but, eventually, i thought, what the heck, and i signed up.  and you know what?  i am VERY glad i did!

the team at FFF obviously don't know i have a chronic illness but the products that were in my box this season were so beneficial for someone like me!  i'm really happy about everything i received and am going to get good use out of all of it, and that's hard to do with a surprise beauty box.  so let's dive right in and let me show you what i got!!

to begin with, i thought the shipping was pretty good.  i got my tracking number on the evening of march 19, and i got my package on the afternoon of march 24.  that's pretty fast, especially considering the tracking number was sent at night and there was a weekend in there.  the box it came in was just a plain black cardboard box, and when you opened it, it was bursting with color!  i love nice packaging, and this was great.  everything was wrapped in tissue paper and the hot pink was a great contrast to the black.

when i opened the box, i was pretty surprised at how bursting it was with products!  i could tell right away that i had definitely gotten my money's worth, and was happy that i had ended up subscribing.

kai perfume oil  (retail value: $48)

so the first product i pulled out was this kai perfume oil.  i think the packaging is really nice and simple, and holy crap, it smells AMAAAZING!  i'm a sucker for floral scents, and it smells like this lovely mix of gardenias, lilies, roses... just like you stuck your face in a bouquet of the most amazing freshly cut flowers.  i sat there like a doofus for a good five minutes just sniffing, sniffing, sniffing... the dogs thought i was crazy but eh, what's new?! ha :)  but seriously, it's awesome.  it says that it smells different on everyone, which i think is very interesting.  it is a rollerball application which is nice, so you don't have to worry about it spraying everywhere if you carry it in your purse.  plus, it's a pretty big size at 3.7 mL and this product alone is over the price i paid for the entire box, plus i will strongly consider repurchasing it since i love the smell so much.  score!

cover fx spf30 protection primer (retail value: $38)

the next product is this face primer from cover fx.  i had never tried their products before, but i like face primers in general, and i love any face product with spf.  i am prone to having my moles develop into pre-cancerous lesions, so i am always careful to wear spf every day.  this is a great way to get extra coverage on my face!  plus, it's water-resistant (a big plus in the super humid northeast), paraben-free, gluten-free, mineral-oil free, talc-free, and vegan.  it also says it's fragrance-free, although i did detect a slight smell.  it doesn't bother me at all, and it was that baby powdery/clean smell, so it is a nice one, and not strong at all.  it goes on easily and sinks right in without being greasy or oily, as some primers tend to do.  it's a full fluid ounce, which is a lot of product to be able to decide if you like it or not.  at $38 i don't think i will be repurchasing it after this tube runs out, but i do appreciate it in my box.

merrithew mini stability ball and dvd (retail value: $28.94)

i was very pleasantly surprised by this being in my box, as i've never seen anything like it in a beauty/fitness box!  it is an exercise dvd that is 88 minutes long (with 48 minutes of actual exercises), containing 16 exercises designed to strengthen your breathing techniques and affecting your posture, your core muscles, improving your mobility, and breathing away your negative tension, using the included stability ball.  the exercise difficulty level is the easiest level.  i have to say, i am really pumped about this!! anyone with chronic pain knows that it suuuucks to try to exercise!  the pain is sometimes just so overwhelming that it's hard to go out and get the freakin' mail, let alone try to walk (or, gasp, run!) a mile, let alone try to contort our bodies into some crazy yoga poses or something like that!  and for me, with my heart condition, i have to be very careful of what type of cardio i do, because my heart rate shoots up faster than you can say heroine.  so this seems like it is going to be really great -- easy level, easy poses using a stability ball, breathing techniques that even *i* can do, building up my core muscles -- woohoo!  can you tell i'm excited to try this?!  plus, they included a 15% off coupon for my purchase at the merrithew store, sweet.

dermasuri deep exfoliating mitt (retail value: $19.99)

this mitt is freakin' awesome, let me tell you.  i have been searching for some sort of an exfoliating glove/product for a long time, and haven't been able to find one.  with my fibro and other problems, my skin is very sensitive.  loofahs seem to be too soft and don't do enough exfoliating, but even a lot of the sugar scrubs or those harder scrubs that come inside of soaps were way, way too rough on my skin and hurt too much to even use them.  this mitt is the perfect inbetween texture!!  it is slightly rough but not too rough that it hurts my skin.  the bottom has an elastic band so that it won't come off of your hand while you are scrubbing, and it has a large, double-sided surface area so that it is easy and quick to do your scrub down.  there was also a 25% off coupon included with this as well, which i plan on using to order another of these gloves!

cult gaia turband (retail value: $48)

this was probably the most anticipated item of the box, at least in my case.  this item, along with the kai perfume, was one of the two items that was revealed in the weeks leading up to the shipping of the boxes.  this is the cult gaia turband, which is a sort-of headband accessory from the brand cult gaia, which is super big right now.  a lot of celebrities have been seen wearing these, and it's the big trend for spring.  the first picture is a picture from the www.cultgaia.com so that you can see what they look like when they arrive.  they are kind of strange when they come out of the package, just a weirdly bendy length of fabric.  the magic about them is that they have a fairly thick wire in them that allows them to be twisted and bent in all different ways, making them really versatile and useful.

i was somewhat disappointed at the pattern i got.. i saw a few people's boxes before i got mine, and i really really REALLY wanted one of the cherry print ones.  however, this print is really adorable and will actually match more clothes that i have, so it's okay.  it also reminds me of taylor swift and we all know how much i love taylor swift, so.... :)  i was also kind of hesitant because i am not a big headband girl because they also slide off my head, but i LOVE this turband!!  it must be because of the wire being able to mold to my head, but it does not move.  at all.  it's wonderful!  in the picture, i twisted the ends once around each other and then tucked the tails under the sides, but i've seen other people do it so many other ways and they all look adorable.  these will be perfect for summer, and the wire will help so much to keep them on my head when it's slippery and sweaty!  they also included another coupon (loving all these coupons!!) for 20% off cult gaia so i can get that cherry print one i wanted too.  ;)

oscar blandi pronto dry shampoo invisible spray (retail value: $25)

i have heard so many raves about this product but for $25 i just haven't been able to justify it to myself, so i haven't gotten it.  some things i can justify spending the extra money on for good results, but i buy the tresemme dry shampoo that works great for me and that's like $7? dollars i think?  but anyway, i was really excited to see this full-size (!) can in my box so that i can finally try it.  it's a super hassle for me to take a shower (standing up too long causes pain, hot water makes my heart race, it makes me so tired i usually have to lay down after, etc etc) so i don't wash my hair as often as i would like to, and i really rely on dry shampoo to get me through.  i am pumped to see this has a "no white residue" promise, so that i don't have to go out looking like i need to dye my greys.. that's always a nice look, haha.  but anyways, i am very happy about this, and once again, another 20% my next order at their website!

level naturals shower bombs (retail value: $7.99)

these shower bombs were the one and only product in my box that i did not like, and it's not even their fault.  they seem really awesome... you put one in the bottom of your shower, and the organic menthol&eucalyptus-scented bomb mixes with the steam of your shower to create a spa-like experience right at home!  it has tea tree oil in it to help relax your feet (and it's good for your skin), and a bunch of other stuff to relax you and help you unwind.  they seem great and i'm bummed i can't try them, but since i was little, the smell of menthol has made me super sick to my stomach.  =(  as soon as i opened the little box these were in, i had to quick take the photo and put them in a plastic bag.  eek.  i am giving them to my mom, though, who i am sure will love them, as she loves eucalyptus.  if they were another scent, i would be thrilled about them.  either way, i think they are a great addition to the box and would be a nice thing for someone to relax with!

the better chip spinach and kale with sea salt (retail value: $1.99)

the last product from the box, these chips are a gluten-free corn chip made with spinach and kale, with sea salt.  i thought it was a nice touch to add a food product in with everything else, and a healthy one at that!  it's hard to find good, gluten-free snack foods that don't taste like dried animal poo (trust me, i've tried almost every variety), but these are actually pretty good.  i bet with some sort of low-calorie dip (i like dill dip), they would be a great snack.  the only thing i am wary of is that the whole bag is 130 calories, which seems like a lot for a small snack bag, but just like anything else, it's all about adding these in and subtracting something else out.  :)  there is also a $1.00 off coupon with these as well.

overall, i am SO glad that i signed up for this box!  the grand total for the retail value of all the products was $217.91, and the box cost me $44.99, including shipping and handling.  that is a steal!!  plus, almost every single item also gave you a coupon for the brand/store that the item came from, which is a lot more savings, too.  i know i will be using at least a few of those coupons, and most of them don't expire for a few more months or until the end of the year.

like i said in the beginning, they certainly don't know me or know that i am sick, but it seemed like this box was tailored for us chronically sick people, doesn't it?  between the dry shampoo and the headband for the days we can't make it through the shower, the mitt for the days we can, the exercise dvd on the days we're feeling up to it, the perfume oil when we want to feel a little bit pampered, the chips to help us eat right, the primer to help us feel just a bit more glamorous, and the shower bombs to help us relax after a tough sick day... this was a perfect box in my opinion, and i can't say enough good things about it.  i can't wait to see what is in the summer one, either.

there are limited quantities of the box left, so if you want one, you should sign up as soon as you can.  use code SPRING5 to get $5 off your first box, and you can sign up here.  go check it out!! :)

what did you think of the box if you got one?  are you planning on getting the summer one?  i'd love to hear your opinion in the comments!