new year's resolutions.

I never used to make New Years' resolutions. I was one of those people who always proclaimed them as stupid, cliche, and things that you said only because everyone else was. Most people forgot about them by February, anyway, I used to reason. As I got older, I started to see them more like guidelines - things that you could post on Facebook if you really wanted to, but if you ended up failing at.. well, they didn't really count, did they? By the time I was a working professional, I stopped thinking about them at all.

This year, I'm seeing things differently. By definition, a resolution is "a firm decision to do or not to do something," "the action of solving a problem, or contentious matter," according to the dictionary. It's something you do, on your own, to rectify something you've been having difficulty with or anticipate having difficulty with in the future. Simply put, it's a promise to yourself. It doesn't have anything to do with a public post on Facebook or making surface-level commitments just to join the fad. So I thought about what I have been really struggling with and want to change in the new year, and this is what I came up with - my resolutions:

pain you just can't ignore.

They say it takes 66 days to form a habit.  Habits can be something beneficial - starting a new diet to lose weight and become healthier - or something bad, like starting drugs.  This is a habit neither good nor bad, something neutral that I never asked for and certainly don't want.  My mind and body are fighting this lackluster routine every step of the way. Sitting on the couch hour after hour, leg propped up on pillows and being brought the things I want: it sounds like a dream to some. But when your biggest desire is to be able to walk down the stairs correctly, with both ankles and knees pumping and flexing, to simply grab a glass of water, it's not such a pampered lifestyle after all.

It's been six weeks since I developed the blood clot in my leg and not much has changed. I'm on my fourth blood thinner, a shot called Arixta, because none of the other medications have changed the size of my clot at all. It hasn't decreased in size at all and I'm baffled to how that could be. How can I have suffered through all of this pain for these past weeks, endured not being able to walk properly or very far, not being able to stand for more than a few minutes at a time, and still my clot is the same. It feels like all of this has been for nothing.

the new normal: life with a blood clot.

Whenever I watch a movie or television show where a character experiences some life-changing event, something that really shakes up their life, I think to myself, "Did they see it coming?" Did they sense anything different in the days or hours or minutes leading up to the seconds that turned their life upside down? Did they sense a change in the wind, a subtle vibration that made their hair rise up and planted a question in their mind?

I don't know about them but for me, I didn't notice a thing. Even up until the very last second, I was completely oblivious and looking back now, it makes me feel like an idiot for not noticing anything at all.

Two weeks ago, on the 22nd of January, I was getting ready to watch the Packers game on television when I got a sharp pain around my belly button. I hadn't eaten anything strange but sometimes I get random pains around my body so I didn't think much of it. As the day progressed, the pain increased and moved up under my ribcage. It was so sharp that it hurt to walk and move around, and I thought maybe I had contracted the stomach flu that was going around. Later in the day, the pain shifted to below my belly button and finally to my right lower quadrant. After having my training in the medical field, I was worried about my appendix, but I didn't have a fever, wasn't vomiting or throwing up, and didn't have any other symptoms, so I brushed it off.

By Tuesday night, the pain hadn't gone away and I was still having difficulty moving around. It hurt with every step, I couldn't bend over, I had to sleep in a completely horizontal position, and sitting on the couch wasn't comfortable no matter how I sat. With much reluctance, I asked my mom to take me to the emergency room.

oh, what a night.

I have always been a night owl, staying up into the wee hours of darkness, way past the times when everyone else bows out to call it a night.  I'm the person burning the midnight oil and even long past that - typically awake until four or five AM, on a reverse schedule of most humans, sleeping during the day and wide awake while the rest of the world sleeps. In high school and college it made for extremely difficult class schedules and I was perpetually tired and falling behind.  It used to drive my parents nuts and was always a bone of contention between us.  When I found a job working evenings, it was perfect and even though it's been years since I was on that shift, I've never gotten out of the habit of keeping those hours.

I used to like the silence - there's a unique quiet that comes in the middle of the night - and the lack of people, especially the lack of people.  The darkness has never really bothered me, and I love being able to see the stars even brighter.  The dogs are trained, after all these years, on my schedule and they don't seem to mind it either, especially in the summer when the blazing daytime temperatures are not very appealing.  Things are more peaceful at night.  Or, they used to be.

Now, nighttime is becoming a time when my doubts creep in, my dark thoughts come to attack, and my failures come to play on a loop.  Instead of being able to peacefully enjoy the quiet, the quiet seems to have turned on me.  Lately, there have been nights I just lay in my bed and my thoughts just drift to the me I could have been if I didn't get sick.  A few days ago, my mom ran into someone that works in the labor & delivery unit at my old hospital, someone I have never ever met, who told my mom that she knew who I was, what an excellent tech I was, that all the doctors loved me and missed me.  Four and a half years after leaving and a woman I don't even know can still say that about me.  It makes my heart ache, because I still have such a burning desire inside of me for the knowledge and the passion to do the work, but I physically can't.  I truly feel trapped inside my own body.

During the day, it seems so easy to put on the mask of make-up, nice clothes, and styled hair and say "oh, I'm fine"... even when you're not.  But at night, when you're alone, all of that falls away.  No, I'm not okay.  I feel lost.  I feel like all of my friends get to move on with their lives - move to new states, find new jobs, get engaged, be happy - while I am just stuck in the same position, day after day.  Sick, waiting for my next doctor's appointment, which usually brings more "I don't know"s and stagnant results.

I want to be able to have those dreams again, to sit down at night outside, looking up at the stars and dreaming of my future and to have those dreams actually be possibilities - not just laughable wishes.  I want to love the night again like I once did, to love the peace and quiet, to love the comfort of the darkness and the relaxation it brings.  I hope that someday soon I will be able to renew my love for the night.  Until then, I will be doing my best to remind myself of all the wonderful things the night can bring, and fighting against all the terrible things that are trying to creep in.

IC awareness month.

Although I have acquired many other related conditions and disorders throughout the last few years (or discovered ones I already had and didn't know about), Interstitial Cystitis is the one that started it all.  (By the way, I love when they are referred to as acquired conditions -- like someone walked up to you carrying a big ole' box with a red bow on top... "Congratulations!  You've been selected to acquire fibromyalgia! Woohoo!!")  To say that it is a complex condition is an understatement.  It doesn't present itself the same way in any given case, it doesn't respond to treatment the same way even day-to-day or person-to-person, and it is constantly changing and progressing.  Talk about trying to wrangle a beast. Since September has been IC Awareness Month (which is sadly coming to a close!) and because I have had a few friends ask me about what I personally do in my own life to combat my IC flares and deal with my IC on a daily basis, I thought I would write this blog post to share some of those things with you.

the lowest of the low.

I had a draft all ready to be posted this week about how to deal with things when you are feeling at your lowest, most frustrated point with your illnesses.. and then this past week happened.

I've talked on here before about how I get migraines.  Since I was in middle school, I have gotten what are referred to as basilar, or ocular, migraines -- instead of the "typical" migraine, I get ones where the entire (usually left) side of my body goes tingly and then numb, starting with my fingertips and progressing up my arm, through my face/mouth and down into my trunk and leg.  I also get an aura in that eye that starts as a blob but eventually leads to a complete loss of vision on that side.  I also have the "typical" migraines people get, with the auras and intense pain, and I get sinus headaches. 

This is what my aura looks like when I first start getting it, and then it turns completely black with no lines.

pain demands to be felt.

I've been pretty late to jump on the "The Fault in Our Stars" bandwagon, given that the huge hype about it mostly crested earlier this year, when it came out in theaters.  I read the book when it first came out, so I was already familiar with it, and I have a strong aversion to the majority of movies that are based on books.  In my opinion, most movies do not adequately translate the feelings of a book onto the screen.  Sure, I'm a book snob -- that's no secret.  Anyone that knows me knows that I have, at any given time, at least twenty books in my room waiting to be read, that I have way more books that I have anything else in my life (including -- shockingly enough -- clothes), and that if you spill on or fold a page of one of my books, our relationship is pretty much over.  All of that being said, I think most readers, even the casual ones, would agree with me that books are not known for translating well onto screen.

health update - going to rochester

hey everyone.  on monday, i posted on my instagram that i was going up to the university of rochester hospital to see my new cardiologist about the hole in my heart.  i wanted to update you guys on how that went because i know some of you are wondering, and it's a lot to post on instagram, so i figured i would do a health update post!  by the way, i appreciate all of you who have wished me well on my way there or checked in after to see how i was, or asked how it went.  it means a lot to know that you guys care about me and have my back :)

fashion friday - maxi skirts

today's fashion friday is on a very versatile piece that gets a lot of use in my wardrobe: the maxi skirt!

like a lot of chronic illness sufferers, i have trouble controlling my body temperature.  i get very hot pretty quickly and it takes a lot to get me cooled down.  this makes summer dressing kind of tricky, since i like to dress nicely and not be mistaken for someone standing on a street corner, if you get my drift.  i draw the line at about a 2 to 2 1/2" inseam on my shorts, and while i mostly wear tank tops, i make sure they aren't overexposed in the front and cover me well in the back if i have to bend over.

while this is all well and good for modesty's sake, it's not always very helpful when i am extremely hot, my face is flushed, i'm feeling the oh-so-pleasant boob and middle-back sweat dripping down underneath said tank top, and there is no refuge in sight.  the last thing i want to be doing is having tight clothing against me, or jean shorts that rub against my legs and create friction that makes me feel even sweatier, especially when you have to use a bathroom that doesn't have air conditioning.  there is nothing that makes me feel more gross and sweaty on a hot day than using a hot bathroom and having to wiggle into, button, and zip up my jean shorts, and go waddling back out into the heat, all sweaty and uncomfortable.  bleechhh.

this is where the maxi skirt comes in!  while it seems like it's a lot more fabric to cover you and therefore counterintuitive, it couldn't be farther from the truth.  most maxi skirts are made from a breathable cotton or a lightweight chiffon material (my personal favorite) that allows it to move with you, and allows for plenty of delightful breezes to cool you down.  whenever i wear my maxi skirts, it almost feels like i don't even have any bottoms on, or like i'm wearing pajamas, because they are just that comfortable!  here are some style tips to remember about maxi skirts!

a weekend on the water.

this past weekend, i was finally feeling good after being cooped up in the house all week with the aftermath of my terrible eye test!  as you all have probably figured out by now, i love being outdoors, so having to spend the week inside with all the windows covered and my sunglasses on to block out any light was torture.  all i wanted to do was frolic in the beautiful sunshine, so that's exactly what i did all weekend long!  :)

a health update.

hey everyone.  i have really been struggling with my health for the past few weeks, which is why i haven't been posting very much and commenting on blogs, or been active much online at all.  unfortunately it has been mostly centered around my migraine headaches/problems that i have been having with my eyes, which tends to get worse with using electronics a lot!  a lot of times when i am sick, i just relax on the couch and watch movies or tv, or play games on my phone.  when i am having pain in my eyes (as a lot of you are familiar with), that's the last thing you want to do or even can do, because it makes it a lot worse.  so that's why i haven't been around much.

i have never had "typical" migraine headaches, where you just get bad pain and take some aspirin or whatever and they go away.  ever since i was a teenager, my version of a migraine was where my entire left side of my body went tingly and then numb (leg, arm, face, tongue, etc.), i couldn't see out of my left eye at all, couldn't speak properly, could not think of correct words, vomited excessively -- basically like a stroke.  nothing helped them except for large amounts of sleep, around 12-18 hours, and even after i woke up, i would be in a confused fog for a day or two with severe head and eye pain before i was back to normal.  i didn't know that these wasn't a regular migraine until i started surgical tech school and found out that a "normal" migraine was more of what i considered a regular headache.  at that point, i was only getting them about once every 1-2 years, so i didn't bother going to a doctor because they weren't regularly occurring.

starting about a year ago, i began getting them again.  at first, it was just one, but it was the old kind, where it was stroke-like with all the same symptoms.  i had another one a month later, and then again three weeks later.  i started seeing a neurologist who put me on topamax, but it hasn't been doing much good.  over the course of about six months, i have been increased to taking 75mg both at night and in the morning, and i have a prescription for imitrex to take when i feel a headache coming on, but the imitrex hasn't helped at all, no matter what combination i take it (one now, then another two hours later, two now, then one later, two now then two later, etc).

beginning in march, i started getting just visual auras without a headache.  these are frequently referred to as ocular migraines, and since i have these other migraines (basilar migraines), i am more prone to ocular migraines as well.  my neurologist figured that is what they were, and because i wasn't experiencing pain with them, that was my diagnosis.  at first, they were just pops of color/light and occasionally some flashing lights, with a shimmering cloud.  i had a brain MRI, which came back clean with no brain lesions (which is somewhat unusual for someone who has had the severity of migraines i have from a young age, but i'm not complaining!).

however, in the past 2-3 months, my visual symptoms have increased to a very bothersome level.  

fashion friday - hats

today's fashion friday is on an accessory that i enjoy all year round -- hats.  as i'm sure many of you also struggle with, there are lots of days when i just don't have the energy to take a shower or deal with my hair.  when you're healthy, you take for granted being able to hop in and out of the shower, brush your hair, or the twenty minutes it takes to style a cute updo!  so many days my limbs just will not cooperate (or feel like they weight 50 pounds -- each) and taking a shower seems like a gruesome task, one that will leave my joints screaming in pain for hours afterwards.  so instead, i just throw on a cute hat and out the door i go!

especially handy in winter weather when they do double duty to keep us warm, hats are equally trendy in the summer.  great for the beach as an extra layer of sun protection, they also look adorable with a sundress or maxi dress, can look dressy when paired with khaki shorts and a chiffon shirt for a nice dinner, and are a great pairing for an outdoor summer wedding.  they are also an easy outfit topper for just running errands or a quick lunch with friends, and a must have for any summer concert or night out on the town!  they're so versatile and easy to match with just about any outfit, whether it's colorful and vibrant, classy black with an edgy vibe, or preppy and nautical, there's a hat for every chronic illness fighter to be able to perk up your wardrobe, look great, and save yourself the pain and struggle that comes with getting ready.  i also included a few head wraps because they are a great alternative to hats in the super hot summer months when the temperatures are soaring but your hair is dirty and a hat just isn't appealing -- these great wraps will still cover the front of your hair without making a sweaty mess out of your whole head and will keep you cute while doing it.

now... check out these awesome finds!

fashion friday.

one of the things that i find most frustrating is finding clothes that are both comfortable and fashionable.  i love clothes -- just ask my boyfriend and our overflowing closet! -- and i used to love shopping for them.... until i got sick.  now shopping for them is hours upon hours of frustration.  nothing seems to fit right anymore, and because of the pain and bloating in my body, it's so hard to tell from day to day what size i am going to be, what body part is going to hurt and can't be pushed against that day, and i never know what size i should buy.  there are days that i can wear my skinny jeans in the morning, and by the evening my stomach is so distended from the inflammation in my bladder and belly that nothing else fits but drawstring sweatpants!  UGH!!  i know i am not the only one who has this problem (and who is so frustrated and upset by it), so i thought that i would start something new on my blog.

every friday, i am going to have fashion friday, where i showcase a type of clothing that i have found is especially friendly for those of us with chronic illnesses.  i have tried so many different styles of clothing over the years (with many hits and misses) that i want to be able to share the information with you all so that you don't have to waste the time that i did, too!  this way you can find the information right here, all compiled for you so you don't have to go searching on your own.  i will include many different price points and a variety of stores so that hopefully i cover all ends of the spectrum.  and hey, even if you don't have a chronic illness, i hope you enjoy the fashion finds as well!

for this first fashion friday, i am going to be covering a new trend for the spring and summer that i was very happy to see come back: shorts with elastic waistbands!  some stores are calling them "soft shorts" this year, but either way i am thrilled they are back! they are super comfy for us without looking like we are wearing sweatpants (which they kind of are, but who is gonna tell?! not me!).  combining them with a loose tank or tee, a sandal and a chunky necklace, and we can fly out the door looking great (even if we don't feel like it inside).  it's important to feel somewhat put together on the outside, even if we aren't feeling too great inside, because it boosts our spirits a bit and gives us just enough of an attitude change that we feel like we can face more than we could if we were in our sweats.  that's why i think it's important to try to put on "real" clothes when we leave the house, and that's where fashion friday comes in.  this way, we can wear regular clothes without stuffing ourselves into something that is uncomfortable and makes us feel worse.  so without further blabbing from me, checking out these awesome shorts.  :)

international CFS/ME & fibro awareness day

today, may 12th, is a very important day in our little (but growing!) chronic illness community.  it is international chronic fatigue syndrome/myalgic encephalomyelitis & fibromyalgia awareness day.  although i have not been officially diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, i do have fibromyalgia, and there are so many similarities between the two that it is often very difficult to tell the difference.  either way, both illnesses are extremely debilitating and have a profound effect on my life and daily functioning.

a few bloggers came up with the idea for a "blog bomb", or a mass of postings by those of us in the blog world that have these illnesses, to share our stories today so that we can bring awareness to these illnesses and how they affect our lives.  so little is known about how these illnesses are contracted and how they truly affect the body, why they affect certain parts of the body and not others, and we are still so far from finding effective medications and other treatments that allow us to overcome the symptoms and live a more normal life.  not only that, but these illnesses are very misunderstood and there is such a stigma attached to them, that we are just lazy and don't want to work, or that if we just exercised and ate a little better, we would be fine -- both of which are not true!  hopefully, through this blog bomb, we can raise awareness and hopefully some progress can be made regarding stereotypes and what having these diseases is really like.

is it spring yet?

man, this was quite an up-and-down week!

it started out pretty nice with some nice sunshine-y weather.  i live in upstate new york, where we have basically two seasons: winter and summer.  we joke that our other seasons are almost winter, and still winter, but it's sadly true.  the beginning of this week started out nice, with weather into the 50's.  as i'm sure many of you can relate with, my fibro is directly affected by the weather.  this extra cold winter we have had has been especially hard on my joints this winter, and i have been suffering hard for it, so even a day of warmer weather was definitely welcome!  my mom lives in the country, so i took the dogs for a nice hike around the fields, with a lovely (and healthy!) grilled chicken and vegetables dinner.  hikes seem to be one of the few cardio exercises that i can do without many problems, and because of the sloping terrain, it isn't too hard on my joints.  i do make sure to take an epsom salt bath that night, and i usually have to wear a lidocaine patch to sleep that night, but it makes me feel so much better to get some fresh air, and the dogs really love it!  sometimes, the simple things going right in life make all the difference, right?

i got my brain MRI results this week, and thankfully they were clear.  but the medicine that i started to help prevent my migraines is really kicking my ass.  it takes four weeks to titrate up to the full dose, and this was week three of the titration, where i started taking two pills at night and one pill in the morning. the first week really knocked me out, the second week wasn't so bad, but this week was pretty bad again.  the day after i started taking the two at night, i was very dizzy and nauseous, and i felt like i was on the verge of a migraine the whole day.  those of you that suffer from migraines know the almost paralyzing fear that comes with it -- you are terrified that you are going to get a migraine at the worse possible time and place, especially if you are alone, and unfortunately, that anxiety only contributes to the stress that could cause one.

to top it off, i had to go get my car inspected that day and since it only takes about half an hour, i waited in the shop for it.  BAD IDEA!!  i forgot how the whole place smells like diesel fuel and new tires!  ugh.  i felt like i was going to pass out and by the time i left, my head was throbbing and i was sure i was going to get a migraine.  i took some ibuprofen and got a giant coffee from dunkin donuts and thankfully that was enough to head it off.  it is strange how different things are after you get sick, isn't it?  things that you don't give a second thought to before, like getting your car inspected, cause potentially day-altering problems when you're sick.

so anyway, going along with the bipolar new york weather, two days after it was almost 60 degrees and sunny, it SNOWED.  yes, snow.  of course, not just a dusting of snow or perhaps maybe an inch that would be gone in an hour or so.  nope, it snowed 7" here in about 6 1/2 hours on top of sleet, making for some crazy heavy, wet snow.  oh, lovely new york.

these two pictures were taken five hours apart.

as if that wasn't crazy enough, the next day it was 50 again and the snow was all melted by the late afternoon!  yikes.  my sinuses sure have taken a beating in the past few days.  i take an allergy pill every day and that is usually enough to quell any allergy/sinus problems i have, but when the weather jumps around like this, even they don't do much.  i had a headache the other night that nothing would touch, not ibuprofen, my cold face mask, hot washcloth, nasal spray, nothing.  my joints have been going pretty crazy too, especially my hips and knees, which are always my worst ones.  erf :(  

yesterday i was feeling good enough to be able to go run some errands by myself, which is the best feeling.  most of the time, i can't run errands by myself.  i need someone to go with me so that when i get tired (which is pretty quickly), i have someone to drive me, push the cart in the store, lean on when i'm walking, carry stuff, etc.  but yesterday when i woke up, i actually felt decent for once.  my hips didn't hurt too bad, and my energy level was pretty high, so i decided that i would try to go out and get as much done as i possibly could.  i was able to make it to the bookstore, craft store, victoria's secret, pet store, and ulta before i got tired and had to go home, but let me tell you: it felt great!!  the sun was shining, it was warm out, i was driving with my music on and my windows down, and it was wonderful to be self-sufficient for once and do things on my own.  it gives me hope that someday (hopefully soon) things will change and i will be able to be more self-sufficient and be more independent from my illness.  that is one of my biggest goals.

i also got to rock my new cultgaia headband from my fabfitfun box, which was awesome :)

tonight i start the last phase of my medicine titration, so i am hoping that it doesn't wreck me as bad as it did this past week.  the weather looks like it will be pretty steady for the next week or so, high 40s/low 50s, so let's all hope we are fiiiiinally away from winter and into spring for good!

how was your week?  do your illnesses get worse/better with the weather, too?  what are you most looking forward to about spring?

fabfitfun VIP spring 2014 box review

hi everyone!  i am so stoked to share with you my very first fabfitfun VIP box!!  i first heard of this box through another blog that i follow, tickled pink in the rain, and it seemed like a really cool thing.  i love beauty boxes and this one seemed like it had even a little extra towards the fitness part of it, and since i always am willing to try new things to stay healthy (since it's always a struggle for me!), i thought i would give this a shot.

what is the fabfitfun VIP box?  this box was started by giuliana rancic and is delivered once per season, or four times per year (spring, summer, winter, fall).  each box has that season's theme, and contains a variety of beauty, wellness, health, fashion, and fitness products, with a minimum of $120 retail value, for just $49.99 per box.  two items are revealed per season in the weeks leading up to the boxes' release (you don't have to find out what they are if you don't want to) and each box is limited edition.  you can check it out here, and use code SPRING5 to get $5 off your first box!

let me say to begin with, i was kind of hesitant about this box.  i looked at the products in the past boxes and they all seemed pretty nice, but $50 seems kind of expensive to me for a box.  granted, it's only quarterly, and the guaranteed products' worth is at least triple what i would be paying for the box.  but i was on the fence about it.  i have tried a bunch of beauty boxes in the past that i have ended up unsubscribing from just because, as someone who is chronically ill and doesn't have the social life that i used to, i don't use all these products that other people might, and would rather spend $50 on a quality pair of sweatpants than on a bunch of makeup that will probably just sit in my drawer.  but, eventually, i thought, what the heck, and i signed up.  and you know what?  i am VERY glad i did!

the team at FFF obviously don't know i have a chronic illness but the products that were in my box this season were so beneficial for someone like me!  i'm really happy about everything i received and am going to get good use out of all of it, and that's hard to do with a surprise beauty box.  so let's dive right in and let me show you what i got!!

to begin with, i thought the shipping was pretty good.  i got my tracking number on the evening of march 19, and i got my package on the afternoon of march 24.  that's pretty fast, especially considering the tracking number was sent at night and there was a weekend in there.  the box it came in was just a plain black cardboard box, and when you opened it, it was bursting with color!  i love nice packaging, and this was great.  everything was wrapped in tissue paper and the hot pink was a great contrast to the black.

when i opened the box, i was pretty surprised at how bursting it was with products!  i could tell right away that i had definitely gotten my money's worth, and was happy that i had ended up subscribing.

kai perfume oil  (retail value: $48)

so the first product i pulled out was this kai perfume oil.  i think the packaging is really nice and simple, and holy crap, it smells AMAAAZING!  i'm a sucker for floral scents, and it smells like this lovely mix of gardenias, lilies, roses... just like you stuck your face in a bouquet of the most amazing freshly cut flowers.  i sat there like a doofus for a good five minutes just sniffing, sniffing, sniffing... the dogs thought i was crazy but eh, what's new?! ha :)  but seriously, it's awesome.  it says that it smells different on everyone, which i think is very interesting.  it is a rollerball application which is nice, so you don't have to worry about it spraying everywhere if you carry it in your purse.  plus, it's a pretty big size at 3.7 mL and this product alone is over the price i paid for the entire box, plus i will strongly consider repurchasing it since i love the smell so much.  score!

cover fx spf30 protection primer (retail value: $38)

the next product is this face primer from cover fx.  i had never tried their products before, but i like face primers in general, and i love any face product with spf.  i am prone to having my moles develop into pre-cancerous lesions, so i am always careful to wear spf every day.  this is a great way to get extra coverage on my face!  plus, it's water-resistant (a big plus in the super humid northeast), paraben-free, gluten-free, mineral-oil free, talc-free, and vegan.  it also says it's fragrance-free, although i did detect a slight smell.  it doesn't bother me at all, and it was that baby powdery/clean smell, so it is a nice one, and not strong at all.  it goes on easily and sinks right in without being greasy or oily, as some primers tend to do.  it's a full fluid ounce, which is a lot of product to be able to decide if you like it or not.  at $38 i don't think i will be repurchasing it after this tube runs out, but i do appreciate it in my box.

merrithew mini stability ball and dvd (retail value: $28.94)

i was very pleasantly surprised by this being in my box, as i've never seen anything like it in a beauty/fitness box!  it is an exercise dvd that is 88 minutes long (with 48 minutes of actual exercises), containing 16 exercises designed to strengthen your breathing techniques and affecting your posture, your core muscles, improving your mobility, and breathing away your negative tension, using the included stability ball.  the exercise difficulty level is the easiest level.  i have to say, i am really pumped about this!! anyone with chronic pain knows that it suuuucks to try to exercise!  the pain is sometimes just so overwhelming that it's hard to go out and get the freakin' mail, let alone try to walk (or, gasp, run!) a mile, let alone try to contort our bodies into some crazy yoga poses or something like that!  and for me, with my heart condition, i have to be very careful of what type of cardio i do, because my heart rate shoots up faster than you can say heroine.  so this seems like it is going to be really great -- easy level, easy poses using a stability ball, breathing techniques that even *i* can do, building up my core muscles -- woohoo!  can you tell i'm excited to try this?!  plus, they included a 15% off coupon for my purchase at the merrithew store, sweet.

dermasuri deep exfoliating mitt (retail value: $19.99)

this mitt is freakin' awesome, let me tell you.  i have been searching for some sort of an exfoliating glove/product for a long time, and haven't been able to find one.  with my fibro and other problems, my skin is very sensitive.  loofahs seem to be too soft and don't do enough exfoliating, but even a lot of the sugar scrubs or those harder scrubs that come inside of soaps were way, way too rough on my skin and hurt too much to even use them.  this mitt is the perfect inbetween texture!!  it is slightly rough but not too rough that it hurts my skin.  the bottom has an elastic band so that it won't come off of your hand while you are scrubbing, and it has a large, double-sided surface area so that it is easy and quick to do your scrub down.  there was also a 25% off coupon included with this as well, which i plan on using to order another of these gloves!

cult gaia turband (retail value: $48)

this was probably the most anticipated item of the box, at least in my case.  this item, along with the kai perfume, was one of the two items that was revealed in the weeks leading up to the shipping of the boxes.  this is the cult gaia turband, which is a sort-of headband accessory from the brand cult gaia, which is super big right now.  a lot of celebrities have been seen wearing these, and it's the big trend for spring.  the first picture is a picture from the www.cultgaia.com so that you can see what they look like when they arrive.  they are kind of strange when they come out of the package, just a weirdly bendy length of fabric.  the magic about them is that they have a fairly thick wire in them that allows them to be twisted and bent in all different ways, making them really versatile and useful.

i was somewhat disappointed at the pattern i got.. i saw a few people's boxes before i got mine, and i really really REALLY wanted one of the cherry print ones.  however, this print is really adorable and will actually match more clothes that i have, so it's okay.  it also reminds me of taylor swift and we all know how much i love taylor swift, so.... :)  i was also kind of hesitant because i am not a big headband girl because they also slide off my head, but i LOVE this turband!!  it must be because of the wire being able to mold to my head, but it does not move.  at all.  it's wonderful!  in the picture, i twisted the ends once around each other and then tucked the tails under the sides, but i've seen other people do it so many other ways and they all look adorable.  these will be perfect for summer, and the wire will help so much to keep them on my head when it's slippery and sweaty!  they also included another coupon (loving all these coupons!!) for 20% off cult gaia so i can get that cherry print one i wanted too.  ;)

oscar blandi pronto dry shampoo invisible spray (retail value: $25)

i have heard so many raves about this product but for $25 i just haven't been able to justify it to myself, so i haven't gotten it.  some things i can justify spending the extra money on for good results, but i buy the tresemme dry shampoo that works great for me and that's like $7? dollars i think?  but anyway, i was really excited to see this full-size (!) can in my box so that i can finally try it.  it's a super hassle for me to take a shower (standing up too long causes pain, hot water makes my heart race, it makes me so tired i usually have to lay down after, etc etc) so i don't wash my hair as often as i would like to, and i really rely on dry shampoo to get me through.  i am pumped to see this has a "no white residue" promise, so that i don't have to go out looking like i need to dye my greys.. that's always a nice look, haha.  but anyways, i am very happy about this, and once again, another 20% my next order at their website!

level naturals shower bombs (retail value: $7.99)

these shower bombs were the one and only product in my box that i did not like, and it's not even their fault.  they seem really awesome... you put one in the bottom of your shower, and the organic menthol&eucalyptus-scented bomb mixes with the steam of your shower to create a spa-like experience right at home!  it has tea tree oil in it to help relax your feet (and it's good for your skin), and a bunch of other stuff to relax you and help you unwind.  they seem great and i'm bummed i can't try them, but since i was little, the smell of menthol has made me super sick to my stomach.  =(  as soon as i opened the little box these were in, i had to quick take the photo and put them in a plastic bag.  eek.  i am giving them to my mom, though, who i am sure will love them, as she loves eucalyptus.  if they were another scent, i would be thrilled about them.  either way, i think they are a great addition to the box and would be a nice thing for someone to relax with!

the better chip spinach and kale with sea salt (retail value: $1.99)

the last product from the box, these chips are a gluten-free corn chip made with spinach and kale, with sea salt.  i thought it was a nice touch to add a food product in with everything else, and a healthy one at that!  it's hard to find good, gluten-free snack foods that don't taste like dried animal poo (trust me, i've tried almost every variety), but these are actually pretty good.  i bet with some sort of low-calorie dip (i like dill dip), they would be a great snack.  the only thing i am wary of is that the whole bag is 130 calories, which seems like a lot for a small snack bag, but just like anything else, it's all about adding these in and subtracting something else out.  :)  there is also a $1.00 off coupon with these as well.

overall, i am SO glad that i signed up for this box!  the grand total for the retail value of all the products was $217.91, and the box cost me $44.99, including shipping and handling.  that is a steal!!  plus, almost every single item also gave you a coupon for the brand/store that the item came from, which is a lot more savings, too.  i know i will be using at least a few of those coupons, and most of them don't expire for a few more months or until the end of the year.

like i said in the beginning, they certainly don't know me or know that i am sick, but it seemed like this box was tailored for us chronically sick people, doesn't it?  between the dry shampoo and the headband for the days we can't make it through the shower, the mitt for the days we can, the exercise dvd on the days we're feeling up to it, the perfume oil when we want to feel a little bit pampered, the chips to help us eat right, the primer to help us feel just a bit more glamorous, and the shower bombs to help us relax after a tough sick day... this was a perfect box in my opinion, and i can't say enough good things about it.  i can't wait to see what is in the summer one, either.

there are limited quantities of the box left, so if you want one, you should sign up as soon as you can.  use code SPRING5 to get $5 off your first box, and you can sign up here.  go check it out!! :)

what did you think of the box if you got one?  are you planning on getting the summer one?  i'd love to hear your opinion in the comments!

ipsy march destination beauty bag review

after having to go to an appointment every single day this week, i was so happy to have absolutely nothing to do today!  these are the days that i am grateful i don't have a full-time job, because i have no idea how i would be able to go to one when i am this sick.  i have to set my alarm for 4 hours before any appointment, just to give myself enough time to hear my alarm (my meds make me sleep so deeply it usually goes off 5-6 times before i even hear it), wake up, do my stretches, get out of bed, take the dogs out, take a bath to get my muscles and joints loosened up, eat a healthy and substantial breakfast so i can take my morning pills, & get dressed/do my makeup before i leave.  it's usually quite an ordeal and takes me a bit of time, not to mention that depending on the type of doctors appointment, my body kind of freaks out afterward and sends me into a flare.

yesterday, i had the brain MRI for my migraines.  i had it with and without contrast, although i didn't know i would be having it with contrast.  since getting since, my body is extremely sensitive to anything at all foreign and rejects anything non-native, and takes a super long time to heal.  i got a small amount of the contrast, just enough for the 8-minute scan, but afterwards, my body freaked out!  my face was flushed, i was hot and sweaty, my neck lymph nodes were swollen, i was super super nauseous, i had diarrhea for about 12 hours right after the test and through the night, my nose was stuffy, i had a headache in the back of my head, my visual auras were really bad, i was very dizzy and disoriented.  i just laid in my bed staring at the ceiling for about 2 hours because i just could not focus on my book, and i kept forgetting where i was, and feeling like i was outside of my body.  it was very scary and strange!

luckily, today i feel a lot better, but i am just very tired.  those with chronic illness understand that the word "tired" doesn't even usually feel accurate for how we feel.  it is more of an exhaustion that is so deep in your bones that sleep doesn't even make it feel better.  the kind of tired where you can sleep 12 hours, and you wake up and all you can think about is when you can go back to sleep.  that's how i feel today, and why i am thankful that i don't have to go to a job and can just lay around and rest.

on a much brighter note, i have something exciting to share!  i subscribe to the ipsy beauty bag, and i got my march bag yesterday to share with you all!

what is ipsy? for those of you that aren't subscribed, ipsy is a beauty subscription.  for $10 per month, you receive a glam bag full of full-size and and deluxe sized beauty products, specifically tailored for you through a beauty quiz you take when you sign up! you can watch videos on the website to learn how to use your products, and each month you get discounts on the brands that are included in your bag, along with additional special discounts.  you can also review the products you receive each month to receive points to use towards future purchases!

interested in becoming a member?  check it out HERE!

this month's bag was themed destination beauty.  let's check it out!

 first up was the beautiful bag!  each month all of your beauty products come inside a reusable makeup bag, which i think is wonderful.  the bags are always really cute and i find many uses for them, not just makeup.  i put pencils in them, lipglosses inside my purse, sometimes i use them for a clutch, a nailpolish holder  -- the possibilities are endless!  it says that this month, the bag is an exclusive print from artist klari reis' geography-based series, "street anatomy," which showcases san francisco, california.  the bag is a nice study vinyl, which is easy to clean for those accidental make-up spills, and a fun and bright pattern for spring.

the first product was this body butter from the brand pacifica.  this is a pretty decent sized deluxe sample at 2.5 oz.  the packaging is really cute, and the flip top is really easy to open.  i find that sometimes they are quite hard to get open with your thumb, but this one was easy.  it also smells AMAZING.  yummm.  definitely strong on the coconut, so if that's not your thing, you wouldn't be a fan of this body butter, but i definitely enjoy it.  i think it's a clean but luxurious scent.  it has a very silky texture and it sinks into your sink easily & quickly without leaving much residue behind.

next up is this marvelous moxie lipgloss in the shade "rebel" from bareminerals.  i have always wanted to try something from this brand but have just never gotten around to it.  i have to say, this is the perfect product to start with!  i love lipglosses, but i am also very picky about them.  however, this lipgloss is perfect!  it is a great shade, very neutral but with just a hint of color.  it's not sticky, either (one of my biggest lip product pet peeves) and it smells exactly like mint chocolate chip ice cream!  how can you get any better than that?!

ipsy also included this coupon attached to the lipgloss, which is a great perk, in addition to the discounts they offer online for the products in the bag this month.

this is a swatch of the lipgloss in the shade "rebel".  as you can see, it's a fairly neutral tone but with a pinky/coral lean.  this is one swipe, so you can see that it is pretty pigmented and very shiny!

the next product in this month's bag was a nail polish from nicole by OPI.  this is a full-size (woohoo!) nail polish from their new roughles line, which is their new set of textured polishes.  it is my favorite when i get a full sized polish in my bags!!  but.. i do have mixed feelings about this one.  i LOVE the color -- it is a beautiful robin's egg blue that is definitely perfect for spring.  but i really don't love the whole textured nail polish trend.  i've tried a few here and there and they just bug me.  i don't know, i just don't like the texture and the feeling.  but, i still gave it a shot...

unfortunately, my camera died right when i was taking the nail pictures so this is the only one i got, hence why it is slightly blurry.  but i have to say, this might be the textured polish to change my mind!  you can sort of see in the picture, it has pink flecks in it, plus tiny royal blue flecks and some tiny goldish/brown ones.  once on my nail, it looks really really pretty.  it reminds me of those malted candy speckled eggs at easter time.  it really is gorgeous, the application was very easy and the dry time was super quick.  the picture is two thin coats, and it was opaque.  well played, OPI!

the last product in my bag this month is this stunning eye shadow quad from the brand be a bombshell.  the name of the quad is "bora bora" and this is a full-size product.  this quad is beautiful!  i was pleasantly surprised when i opened the box it came in.  i have never heard of this brand before, but these colors are very pigmented and strong in real life, very jewel-toned.  i mostly wear brown and gold shadows, so this is perfect for me.  i love the turquoise accent color, because it will be a great pop of color for summer!

these are the swatches of the colors in the quad, clockwise from the top left.  each swatch is one single swipe -- they are super pigmented!!  the blue is the only one that was slightly less pigmented than the rest, which you can tell in the photo.  they are definitely shimmery shades but it's not overwhelming.  the color feels really silky and easy to work with, too.  i can't wait to try these out!

overall, i thought this was another excellent ipsy bag!  i have been subscribing for about 7 months now and have yet to get a bag that i didn't love.  plus, i think $10 is a total bargain -- the nail polish alone is $8!  what a steal.  i definitely recommend that you check it out, you won't regret it!

stay tuned this week for more beauty boxes, and hopefully i will be getting the results of my MRI tests. i was also thinking of doing a post on the foods i normally eat that i have found help my body out the most in reducing inflammation and keeping me feeling good.  let me know if there is anything you would like to read.  until next time! xoxo.