I never used to make New Years' resolutions. I was one of those people who always proclaimed them as stupid, cliche, and things that you said only because everyone else was. Most people forgot about them by February, anyway, I used to reason. As I got older, I started to see them more like guidelines - things that you could post on Facebook if you really wanted to, but if you ended up failing at.. well, they didn't really count, did they? By the time I was a working professional, I stopped thinking about them at all.
This year, I'm seeing things differently. By definition, a resolution is "a firm decision to do or not to do something," "the action of solving a problem, or contentious matter," according to the dictionary. It's something you do, on your own, to rectify something you've been having difficulty with or anticipate having difficulty with in the future. Simply put, it's a promise to yourself. It doesn't have anything to do with a public post on Facebook or making surface-level commitments just to join the fad. So I thought about what I have been really struggling with and want to change in the new year, and this is what I came up with - my resolutions:
- I want to read 125 books. My goal this year was to read 100 books, and I fell short at 78. While I still see that as an accomplishment given my problems this year, I want to read even more books this year to expand my knowledge, enjoy traveling to other worlds, and lose myself in someone else's journey for awhile.
- I want to learn to drive again. It's no secret that my leg is a source of unrelenting pain for me. After now being diagnosed with both Post-Thrombotic Syndrome and Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, dealing with the pain and continued lack of mobility has not gotten any easier. I still don't have the flexibility and coordination needed in my ankle and knee to drive with my right foot. It is very frustrating to not have the skill to do something that was effortless for so long - something I took for granted - and to be dependent on others. I'm hoping that continued progress in physical therapy will allow me to gain this back.
- I want to give more to those who are in need. Nothing makes me happier than giving to those who are in need, and that means both people and animals. It is easier for me to help animals because that is where I feel my skill set lies, in connecting with them, comforting them, training them, etc. It's harder for me to interact with people sometimes because I feel that since being primarily house bound, I have lost some of my people skills and feel very awkward. I don't want that to stop me. Giving back when possible is the key to the circle of humanity and truly feeds the soul. I can't always give financially, but I can give in so many other ways and I'm determined to make it a priority this year.
- I want to be a more strict vegetarian and possibly vegan. I started trying a vegetarian diet before I got my blood clot, and felt so much better inside. It's hard to describe but I felt lighter, like my body had gotten rid of all the junk it was carrying around from the preservatives and fat and gross things I had been putting into it. After my clot, my diet was on and off because I couldn't cook for myself and it was hard trying to show someone else how. Once I was able to get back to being vegetarian again, I felt that inner cleanse again and it made me feel great once more. But the past few months, I have chosen to have meat a few times. I almost typed 'slipped up', but that is not true - it was a choice that I made. I do crave chicken - mainly because no 'fake' chicken product tastes like real chicken and I miss it - and I have chosen to have it on a few occasions. I end up feeling guilty because I am vegetarian not only for health reasons but also because of animal cruelty, and it also makes me really sick after eating it. I am not vegan yet because I do eat cheese now and then and I don't seek out specifically vegan products but I want to start working on both of these aspects this year and try to maintain my diet.
- I want to be creative again. After my blood clot, it was difficult for me to be creative in the ways I had been before. When I would make jewelry, I would do so in front of the television, sitting down, with everything spread out before me. I would paint on an easel sitting down. I would draw with the pad in my lap and the pencils around me. Those weren't options after my clot - I couldn't bend my leg, and I couldn't have anything touching it. So, everything creative got pushed to the back burner. The only thing I have been doing is crocheting, which I love, but it isn't the same. Recently, I finished a drawing for my friend for Christmas and a few other projects and they really brought the spark back out. I would like to find a way to be creative that works with my leg. Creativity helps get part of my soul out, gets the pent up pieces of me out in ways that they otherwise just fester inside of me. Plus, I love discovering new forms of art and how certain things look together. I know it will be difficult to figure out ways to work up to it but I can't wait to get back into it.
So, those are my resolutions for the new year. I plan to try my hardest on them, to truly work at them and not let them become just words that fade away after a few months. Each one is something I am passionate about and I believe that is the difference between a surface, toss away resolution that lasts a few weeks like "going to the gym every day before work!" and something that is sure to stick.
Have you made any resolutions? Or do you ignore them like I used to?
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