reading this past year.

One of my earliest memories is of my dad and I, sitting with me on his lap in his black velvet recliner chair - the same chair that just a few years later I would fall into and acquire a dent in my skull that I still have - reading a big book together, sounding out the words for what felt like hours. They weren’t dreadful hours, though, as that phrase can often mean. They were joyful hours, and continued to be joyful hours throughout my young life into my adolescence and into my adulthood. 

In first grade, I won an award for reading fifty books at home on my own and the prize was a red wagon full of brand new, beautifully illustrated hardcover books. My mom came to the classroom for the presentation, the principal came down to the classroom, and a photo ran in the district newspaper. When they announced the competition, it was the first time I could remember truly wanting something and feeling that fire burning in my gut. I was determined to win and when I did, I was so proud and excited - not just to win, but to win books. 

Continuing into my teenage years, I kept a running stack of books anywhere they would fit. I always had too many to fit on the shelves of my bookcases. Even when my parents built shelves above my desk, those quickly filled up and the overflow could be found on my floor, stacked in the closet, in the living room, anywhere they could fit. I was usually reading three or four books at a time, a habit that amazed my mom and made my dad (who reads faster than I do and loves it just as much) chuckle, and is a habit I continue to this day.

The beginning of this year knocked a lot of things off kilter, including my reading. Coming home from having my appendix out, I couldn’t rest a book on my stomach when laying down to read. I couldn’t take a bath for about two months, which is the other main place I read (so relaxing!). Also, after my stroke, I couldn’t read more than a few sentences before I started getting a headache and the words began jumbling on the page. There was a point that I was worried I wouldn’t be able to read again, and I was in tears over it almost everyday. To have something taken away that is at the very essence of your being would have been horrible. Very slowly, my eyes were able to adjust and I could read bits and pieces at a time. 

Although I didn’t get started until about the middle of the year, I made the goal for myself to read 100 books this year. Unfortunately, I didn't meet that goal. I came a bit shy at 78 books. When I tallied the final count I felt a pang of disappointment, a disgust that I had failed at yet another thing this year. But then my friend Pat reminded me that seventy-eight books is still quite a feat, especially given that I didn't start until late in the year and given my difficulties. I realized that she is right. I may not have met my goal, but I sure did a great job anyway and I'm not going to be sad about it.

Here is a list of the 78 books I read this year, with stars next to my top 15 favorite books of the year (which was so difficult - I had to narrow it down from about 40!). One of my resolutions in 2018 is to read 125 books, and I have already started two new books to ring in the New Year. I'm determined to meet this goal and I know I can do it!

• Emma in the Night - Wendy Walker
• Girl in Snow - Danya Kukafka
• A Surgeon in the Village - Tony Bartelme
• Lucky You - Erika Carter
• Ringer - Lauren Oliver
• Replica - Lauren Oliver
• This Close to Happy - Daphne Merkin
• The Child Finder - Rene Denfeld  ✰
• All the Ugly and Wonderful Things - Bryn Greenwood  ✰
• The Murders of Molly Southbourne - Tade Thompson
• The Remedy - Suzanne Young
• The Epidemic - Suzanne Young
• The Treatment - Suzanne Young
• The Program - Suzanne Young 
• Nomadland - Jessica Bruder  ✰
• Heroes of the Frontier - Dave Eggers
• Harmony - Carolyn Parkhurst
• The Stranger in the Woods - Michael Finkel
• When Breath Becomes Air - Paul Kalanithi  ✰
• Firstlife - Gena Showalter
• Lifeblood - Gena Showalter
• Everything You Want Me to Be - Mindy Mejia
• The Unseen World - Liz Moore
• Behind Closed Doors - B.A. Paris
• These Shallow Graves - Jennifer Donnelly
• Small Admissions - Amy Poeppel
• Woman No. 17 - Edan Lepucki
• Eileen - Ottessa Moshfegh
• One of Us Is Lying - Karen M. McManus 
• The Bright Hour - Nina Riggs
• The Passenger - Lisa Lutz
• Caraval - Stephanie Garber  ✰
• All Is Not Forgotten - Wendy Walker
• Delirium - Lauren Oliver
• Pandemonium - Lauren Oliver
• Requiem - Lauren Oliver
• History of Wolves - Emily Fridlund
• Luckiest Girl Alive - Jessica Knoll  ✰
• Hunger - Roxane Gay
• The Ice Twins - S.K. Tremayne
• Three Dark Crowns - Kendare Blake
• Genuine Fraud - E. Lockhart  ✰
• Good Me, Bad Me - Ali Land  ✰
• Do Not Become Alarmed - Maile Meloy
• This Is Our Story - Ashley Elston
• The Fever - Megan Abbott
• The Way I Used to Be - Amber Smith
• From Here to Eternity - Caitlin Doughty
• Life As We Knew It - Susan Beth Pfeffer
• The Dead and the Gone - Susan Beth Pfeffer
• This World We Live In - Susan Beth Pfeffer
• The Shade of the Moon - Susan Beth Pfeffer
• A Killer Harvest - Paul Cleave
• The Breakdown - B.A. Paris
• House of Furies - Madeleine Roux
• See What I Have Done - Sarah Schmidt  ✰
• Marlena - Julie Buntin
• Hunted - Meagan Spooner
• Suffer the Children - Craig DiLouie
• We Were Liars - E. Lockhart
• The Girl on the Train - Paula Hawkins
• Bellevue: Three Centuries of Medicine and Mayhem - David M. Oshinsky
• You Will Know Me - Megan Abbott
• Patient H69 - Vanessa Potter
• Gather the Daughters - Jennie Melamed
• Little Fires Everywhere - Celeste Ng  ✰
• The Last Kid Left - Rosecrans Baldwin
• The Wildling Sisters - Eve Chase  ✰
• With Malice - Eileen Cook
• Every Last Lie - Mary Kubica
• The Education of a Coroner - John Bateson  ✰
• The Burning Girl - Claire Messud
• Sorry to Disrupt the Peace - Patty Yumi Cottrell
• The Wild Truth - Carine McCandless
• The Sisters Chase - Sarah Healy  ✰
• Keep You Safe - Melissa Hill
• Good Morning, Midnight - Lily Brooks-Dalton  ✰
• The Lying Game - Ruth Ware  ✰

What did you read this year? Did you read any of the books on my list, and were any of them your favorites? I would love to know! Leave a comment down below.